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 Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2011 11:24 am
"There is no higher authority than the Force itself, and no lower or meaner villain than one who abuses it." Ｂ Ａ Ｓ Ｉ Ｃ ● ● ● Ｉ Ｎ Ｆ Ｏ Ｒ Ｍ Ａ Ｔ Ｉ Ｏ ＮXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX ► ► ► G a i a - N a m e: ● Vaan_hatake C h a r a c t e r - N a m e: ● Morturon Kris Kriuvon III A g e: ● 29 R a c e: ● 3/4 Base-Line Human, 1/4 Arkadian G e n d e r: ● Male S p e c i a l t y: ● Once was a Guardian A l i g n m e n t: ● Lawful Neutral? F a c t i o n: ● Gray Jedi H o m e - W o r l d: ● Born on Dantooine, but raised on Arkadia Ａ Ｐ Ｐ Ｅ Ａ Ｒ Ａ Ｎ Ｃ Ｅ ● ● ● Ｉ Ｎ Ｆ Ｏ Ｒ Ｍ Ａ Ｔ Ｉ Ｏ ＮXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX ► ► ► H e i g h t: ● 6' 1" W e i g h t: ● 170 pounds H a i r - C o l o r: ● Solid Black E y e - C o l o r: ● A very light blue, so light that many mistake him as blind S p e c i a l - M a r k i n g s: ● A few scars from his days as a slave, and a massive tattoo of a gazelle on his back. C l o t h i n g: ● Usually wears a mottled grey and black robe, better for hiding someone's appearance than a solid black would be. Also, usually has his hood up. Wears shirts and pants that are very form-fitting, allowing for the most freedom of movement, without sacrificing a shape-hiding form. Wears a pair of good traveling boots, and a thin set of blaster-resistant armor on his chest. Ｐ Ｅ Ｒ Ｓ Ｏ Ｎ Ａ Ｌ ● ● ● Ｉ Ｎ Ｆ Ｏ Ｒ Ｍ Ａ Ｔ Ｉ Ｏ ＮXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX ► ► ► P e r s o n a l i t y: ● Morturon is a very caring person, who really is the type of person who would normally die as a martyr. However, his extreme empathy is coupled by a vast intelligence, which prevents him from doing anything foolish, so that he can preserve his order. Being raised as a slave for a large amount of his life, Morturon has a very hard time letting people take advantage of others, and above even murderers and traitors, will hate a slaver. However, inside his consciousness are the minds of both Morturon and Kris, as well as some of that of the Rodian Jedi, and so, Morturon's opinion's and likings will occasionally change. C u s t o m - T e c h n i q u e s:
● Technique #1
● Technique #2
● Technique #3
● Technique #4
R a c i a l - S k i l l s/A b i l i t i e s:
● Skill #1 Learns languages rather quickly
● Skill #2 Can see in the infrared spectrum
● Skill #3
● Skill #4
W e a p o n (s): ● His two sabers, as well as a small vibroblade tucked by his leg at all times. A c c e s s o r i e (s): ● Usually doesn't carry much with him. Ｓ Ａ Ｂ Ｅ Ｒ ● ● ● Ｉ Ｎ Ｆ Ｏ Ｒ Ｍ Ａ Ｔ Ｉ Ｏ Ｎ XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX ► ► ► S a b e r - S t y l e: ● The orange one is about six to nine inches shorter than an average saber, while the Teal is about six to nine inches longer, and both are of a normal design, except for that they work underwater. S a b e r - F o r m: ● Shii-Cho - Knows Soresu - Proficient, doesn't like it at all though Makashi - Utilized the most S a b e r - C o l o r: ● One orange, with a normal synthetic orange crystal, while the other is a teal color, imbued with The Sunrider's Destiny crystal. S a b e r - M o d i f i c a t i o n s: ● Both can work underwater, and the teal is encrusted with jewels encased in gold. Ｆ Ｏ Ｒ Ｃ Ｅ● ● ● Ｉ Ｎ Ｆ Ｏ Ｒ Ｍ Ａ Ｔ Ｉ Ｏ Ｎ XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX ► ► ► J e d i- P o w e r s: ● Battlemind Crucitorn Electric Judgement Force Enlightenment Speed Conceal Seeing Empathy Telepathy Push Pull Force Projection C u s t o m - J e d i - P o w e r s: ● None Yet J e d i - T r a I n I n g: ● Trained for several years at the academy on Coruscant, but grew disillusioned with the entire Jedi system as a whole right before he would be granted the position of master. ● ● ● Ｂ Ｉ Ｏ ● ● ● XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX ► ► ► B i o: ●Morturon Kriuvon III, born as the slave Kris, was born on the planet of Dantooine, but was soon sold into slavery in secret, taken at the age of two, to be raised with another batch of slave boys, in Arkania, where he worked the diamond mines for the next twelve years. Once he was 14, Kris was caught trying to steal a tiny diamond, still enough to buy him out of slavery, and beaten badly by his master. Somehow tapping into the force, and not the light side of it either, he literally burnt the slaver to a crisp. Taken to a court, of course he was found guilty, but before he would be put in a prison for the rest of his life, Kris had caught the eye of an ex-slaver, a wealthy count named Morturon Kriuvon II. Morturon had recently learned his only son, Morturon III, who looked like the slave boy, had a fatal disease and would die within the month. More as a form of denial than anything, the Count and his wife bought the slave, legally conducted him into their royal family, and changed his name to Morturon III. In his last month, the original Morturon's blood was transfused into that of Kris's, and by hiring a Jedi, they soon bonded the two, so that all of Morturon's memories and personality would reside in Kris's body, and vice versa. Kris was no longer, for that slave had died of a fatal disease. Now, Morturon III, with a new body and the undying admiration of his savior, was reborn.The family added his middle name to their son's name in remembrance, and Morturon Kris Kriuvon III became a Force-Sensitive. Soon enough, two years later, however, a lone Jedi came to Arkania. He was a Rodian, who had been badly injured, his ship crashing down a few miles out of the Kriuvons' country estate. Running to the injured man, Kris, now Morturon, picked him up, fully intending to carry him back to their estate. However, even the 16 year old boy, not that familiar with major injuries, knew that this one could not last enough. So, Morturon began to comfort the dying Jedi, who, in his dying breaths, gave him his lightsaber, and imparted his full knowledge of the Force unto Morturon, through an as-of-yet unknown final spell. When his family heard of this, they gleefully showed Morturon to a hidden room, letting him see their family treasure. Kept for almost a thousand years, it was a small map to a sliver of Kaiburr Crystal, who Morturon's great great great great great grandfather had found, the sliver just large enough to create a lightsaber with. Morturon himself searched for years to find it, but to no avail. Putting it out of his mind for a while, Morturon was sent to the Academy, where he stayed for the next fifteen years. Step by step, he climbed, until finally, he would become a master. But, unfortunately, right before, Morturon began to fianlly see the flaws in the Jedi System. For someone who had survived so long by allying himself to whoever woudl help him, it was not a welcome discovery. To have wasted fifteen years just to realize that the system he would have pledged his life for was too controlling, too strict. Angry, confused, and disheartened, Morturon left, finally settling on Kashyyyk, where he has built a home for himself, and has pledged to help any who need it.
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Posted: Tue Aug 02, 2011 7:13 pm
Kay9214 "There is no higher authority than the Force itself, and no lower or meaner villain than one who abuses it." Ｂ Ａ Ｓ Ｉ Ｃ ● ● ● Ｉ Ｎ Ｆ Ｏ Ｒ Ｍ Ａ Ｔ Ｉ Ｏ ＮXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX ► ► ► G a i a - N a m e: ● Vaan_hatake C h a r a c t e r - N a m e: ● Morturon Kris Kriuvon III A g e: ● 29 R a c e: ● 3/4 Base-Line Human, 1/4 Arkadian G e n d e r: ● Male S p e c i a l t y: ● Once was a Guardian A l i g n m e n t: ● Lawful Neutral? F a c t i o n: ● Gray Jedi H o m e - W o r l d: ● Born on Dantooine, but raised on Arkadia Ａ Ｐ Ｐ Ｅ Ａ Ｒ Ａ Ｎ Ｃ Ｅ ● ● ● Ｉ Ｎ Ｆ Ｏ Ｒ Ｍ Ａ Ｔ Ｉ Ｏ ＮXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX ► ► ► H e i g h t: ● 6' 1" W e i g h t: ● 170 pounds H a i r - C o l o r: ● Solid Black E y e - C o l o r: ● A very light blue, so light that many mistake him as blind S p e c i a l - M a r k i n g s: ● A few scars from his days as a slave, and a massive tattoo of a gazelle on his back. C l o t h i n g: ● Usually wears a mottled grey and black robe, better for hiding someone's appearance than a solid black would be. Also, usually has his hood up. Wears shirts and pants that are very form-fitting, allowing for the most freedom of movement, without sacrificing a shape-hiding form. Wears a pair of good traveling boots, and a thin set of blaster-resistant armor on his chest. Ｐ Ｅ Ｒ Ｓ Ｏ Ｎ Ａ Ｌ ● ● ● Ｉ Ｎ Ｆ Ｏ Ｒ Ｍ Ａ Ｔ Ｉ Ｏ ＮXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX ► ► ► P e r s o n a l i t y: ● Morturon is a very caring person, who really is the type of person who would normally die as a martyr. However, his extreme empathy is coupled with a vast intelligence, which prevents him from doing anything foolish, so that he can preserve his order (clarify) . Being raised as a slave for a large amount of his life, Morturon has a very hard time letting people take advantage of others. He hates slavers above all else, even traitors and murderers. However, inside his consciousness are the minds of both Morturon and Kris, as well as some of that of the Rodian Jedi (I'm disallowing the whole mindmeld/transfer of knowledge bit.), and so, Morturon's opinion's and likings will occasionally change. C u s t o m - T e c h n i q u e s:
● Technique #1
● Technique #2
● Technique #3
● Technique #4
R a c i a l - S k i l l s/A b i l i t i e s:
● Skill #1 Learns languages rather quickly
● Skill #2 Can see in the infrared spectrum
● Skill #3
● Skill #4
W e a p o n (s): ● His two sabers, as well as a small vibroblade tucked by his leg at all times. A c c e s s o r i e (s): ● Usually doesn't carry much with him. Ｓ Ａ Ｂ Ｅ Ｒ ● ● ● Ｉ Ｎ Ｆ Ｏ Ｒ Ｍ Ａ Ｔ Ｉ Ｏ Ｎ XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX ► ► ► S a b e r - S t y l e: ● The orange one is about six to nine inches shorter than an average saber, while the Teal is about six to nine inches longer, and both are of a normal design, except for that they work underwater. S a b e r - F o r m: ● Shii-Cho - Knows Soresu - Proficient, doesn't like it at all though Makashi - Utilized the most S a b e r - C o l o r: ● One orange, with a normal synthetic orange crystal, while the other is a teal color, imbued with The Sunrider's Destiny crystal. (There is no reason or justification to have this and it is a unique artifact)S a b e r - M o d i f i c a t i o n s: ● Both can work underwater, and the teal is encrusted with jewels encased in gold. Ｆ Ｏ Ｒ Ｃ Ｅ● ● ● Ｉ Ｎ Ｆ Ｏ Ｒ Ｍ Ａ Ｔ Ｉ Ｏ Ｎ XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX ► ► ► J e d i- P o w e r s: ● Battlemind Crucitorn Electric Judgement Force Enlightenment (need a second opinion, but I may ask for this to be removed. It is an ability that is easily abusable and also requires a great deal of mastery of the force)Speed Conceal Seeing Empathy Telepathy Push Pull Force Projection C u s t o m - J e d i - P o w e r s: ● None Yet J e d i - T r a I n I n g: ● Trained for fifteen years at the academy on Coruscant, but grew disillusioned with the entire Jedi system as a whole right before he would be granted the position of master. ● ● ● Ｂ Ｉ Ｏ ● ● ● XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX ► ► ► B i o: ●Morturon Kriuvon III, born as the slave Kris, was born on the planet of Dantooine, but was soon sold into slavery in secret, taken at the age of two, to be raised with another batch of slave boys, in Arkania, where he worked the diamond mines for the next twelve years. Once he was 14, Kris was caught trying to steal a tiny diamond, still enough to buy him out of slavery, and beaten badly by his master. Somehow tapping into the force, and not the light side of it either, he literally burnt the slaver to a crisp. Taken to a court, of course he was found guilty, but before his sentence of life imprisonment was carried out, Kris caught the eye of an ex-slaver, a wealthy count named Morturon Kriuvon II. Morturon had recently learned his only son, Morturon III, who looked like the slave boy, had a fatal disease and would die within the month. More as a form of denial than anything else, the Count and his wife bought the slave, and legally inducted him into their royal family, changing his name to Morturon III. In his last month, the original Morturon's blood was transfused into that of Kris's, and by hiring a Jedi, they soon bonded the two, so that all of Morturon's memories and personality would reside in Kris's body, and vice versa. (If you can make this make ANY sort of sense, and cite some sort of power that would allow this to happen I'll allow it because it's an interesting concept.) Kris was no longer, for that slave had died of a fatal disease. Now, Morturon III, with a new body and the undying admiration of his savior, was reborn. The family added his middle name to their son's name in remembrance, and Morturon Kris Kriuvon III became a Force-Sensitive. Soon enough (Soon enough after what? After his fusion?), two years later, however, a lone Jedi came to Arkania. He was a Rodian, who had been badly injured, his ship crashing down a few miles out of the Kriuvons' country estate. Running to the injured man, Kris, now Morturon, picked him up, fully intending to carry him back to their estate. However, even the 16 year old boy, not that familiar with major injuries, knew that this one could not last enough. So, Morturon began to comfort the dying Jedi, who, in his dying breaths, gave him his lightsaber, (You do realize that what you just wrote here is the Green Lantern origin story... but with a lightsaber instead of a ring) and imparted his full knowledge of the Force unto Morturon, through an as-of-yet unknown final spell. (I'm disallowing this as it does nothing beyond give the character an early advantage and all of the knowledge of a Jedi knight without having to work to obtain it.) When his family heard of this, they gleefully showed Morturon to a hidden room, letting him see their family treasure. Kept for almost a thousand years, it was a small map to a sliver of Kaiburr Crystal, who Morturon's great great great great great grandfather had found, the sliver just large enough to create a lightsaber with. (I'm probably going to disallow this as it is an extremely powerful and rare artifact, and although you don't have it in your possession, you have set up your character to later on have a justification for possessing it... that being said, Why had they kept it a secret for a millenia? Why was there never an attempt to look for the crystal shard?) Morturon himself searched for years to find it, but to no avail. Putting it out of his mind for a while, Morturon was sent to the Academy, where he stayed for the next fifteen years. Step by step, he climbed, until finally, he was nearly to the level of master, but right before he attempted the trials to earn the position, Morturon began to fianlly see the flaws in the Jedi System. (Which were?) For someone who had survived so long by allying himself to whoever would help him, it was not a welcome discovery. (This statement is extremely vague, please elaborate on why?) To have wasted fifteen years just to realize that the system he would have pledged his life for was too controlling, too strict. (What brought this revelation on? Why did he not see it sooner, was there a catalyst event?) Angry, confused, and disheartened, Morturon left, finally settling on Kashyyyk, where he has built a home for himself, and has pledged to help any who need it. Quote: However, even the 16 year old boy, Quote: Morturon himself searched for years to find it, but to no avail. Quote: Morturon was sent to the Academy, where he stayed for the next fifteen years. Basic math... your character is twenty nine according to your basic profile information. And if we assume "years" of searching is two or more. You get 16 + 15 + (2+) Which is going to be 33+ Final Comments:You clearly did not proofread your own profile before submitting it, there are a lot of literacy errors in addition to some contradictory statements and a lot of deus ex machina solutions. Much of the spelling and grammar I fixed myself, but there were a few things that need to be clarified before it makes sense. It's also clear that you are metagaming here, when you were told that you could not initially have an extremely powerful character in the RP you technically listened, but then set up this character to have access to an item that (to quote wookiepedia) "increased a Force-sensitive's power one thousand times over" That being said, your backstory whilst flawed is an interesting concept and nicely sets itself apart from a lot of the more common cliche's. You clearly have the ability to be creative, and to make a solid, interesting character, just take the time to polish your work.
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