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Ohboy. here we go.

How to put this.... I'm very drunk, so I'm able to do this and not feel too much stress. Most of a bottle of Irish whiskey down and all is blurry.

My wife and I have split up up after five years of being together and I'm ot well about it.

We met in 2001 in armidale and thank ******** for that. otherwise I'd be a drugged out ******** in Dubbo with no hope and no life after that.

We have a four year old son who makes me happier than anyting else in the world, and I care more for them than anything. But we're done. It's all over.

We split up because the alternative is that we try to stay together ad end up hating each other, Or, alternitavely we try to stay together and everything works out fantastic. But thats all old news now. There's nothing left. I've made the call and moved out and there's no more living together anymore.

How do you deal with the fact that you could have ******** up the best thing that has ever happened in your life? How the ******** do you deal with that? Don't misunderstand me, we are still talking to each other and I try and see them as often as I can (******** car borke down. xd ) but that's still not the same as where we we were before.

I'm lonely. Really ******** up.

I spend my days making people happy. My job is to teach kids how to juggle and do circus things for ******** sake. It's the job I never dreamed I would have. But at the end of the day, I sleep at an old friends place for free on a futon and it's empty. After five years of having someone to hold onto at night I sleep on my own. That's the hardest thing. I can't sleep properly. I have nothing to hold onto. Empty bed.

It makes me laugh all the s**t I see here with the "OMG mi boifrend left me!" etc etc. But ********, what is immediate is what is important. I'm just very ******** up at the moment.

So I work all day and try to stop thinking the moment I leave there, which leads me to my current drunken state. I saw Rei today and she told me that people are saying how great I am and such like. She said I wasn't greiving.

Grief.

It's all I can feel, but if I didn't cut myself off from how I was feeling I wouldn't be able to work, and get us over the debts we've accumulated. Funny, I'm due in court soon for the money I stole t ofund the wedding. Oh the irony, I love irony. I just wish it would ******** off for a while.

Yay the rambling of the drunkard. Bemoaning his life. But there are still those worse off. I'll get some perspective in time, but for now, ******** s**t up. s**t is ********. and sweary swear swear.

Bradle out.
Ain't it funny how s**t happens.

Wooo it's scotch o' clock again, so here we go!

Things are looking up. The Rei is relaxing and our encuonters are more smooth, just wish I didn't want to sweep her into mya arms every time I saw her. lol
*awkward dance*

heh I've gotta teach more people the awkward dance.
You put your elbows at your sides and your hands straight out, fingers straight forwards and move jerkily, making little humming/whining noises. good for all occasions, and an excellent way to exit the room if things are going fuzzy in the air. xd

anyways. it's al the waiting time now, waiting for January so I can get a flat with my lovely younger sister who'se moving down here then. Yay for escaping Dubbo. lol.

Starting to look around at the female people that surround me. Not sure how I want to approach this, wondering how the guilt factor willl go. *awkward dance again* xd

soon the talk with the Theobeo will happen and I'm interested how he'll handle it. Thank ******** he's still going to have both of us there for him, because I know how s**t it is not having a dad around. *grumble emo emo* he knows something is going on, he's too smart not to, but he doesn't have al the facts. Hardly surprising, as he's four. <3 BUt we'll have a good long chat with him and things will pan out, I' sure of this.

In other unrelated news, I'm hopefully going to buy a nude car this week. By new I mean second hand, but the exciting part is that it's the same model as driven for Hyacinth Bucket from keeping up appearances. Now that's some funny s**t. (Whaddya mean this isn't the TV subforum? xp )

mmm scotch... weaned on a jug and a fist, I was. Booya team.

Bradle out.

Nah there's no fear of the rebound blablabla shizzle here, team. I know where I'm at, and I'm not looking to fill the "hole in my life from my lack of other half" emo xd
just looking for a good time. Hence the guilt. Not normally out for myself, it's kinda odd. lol
ta for the words, though. <3